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| Humor & Laughter Village: 幽默笑話村: 080 |
| Best Pun received from Ed & Mavis Adamson |
Here are the ten-first place winners in the
International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,
"I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per
passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and says "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak
and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost
my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The
first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend
dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and
asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked,
as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,
"I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per
passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and says "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak
and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost
my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The
first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend
dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and
asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked,
as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and
is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan
sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've
seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist shop
to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition was unfair. He asked the
good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh Mac
Taggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be
back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot
most of the time, which produced an impressive
set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet,
he suffered from bad breath. This made him a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to friends, with the hope that at
least one of the puns would make them laugh. No
pun in ten did.
adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and
is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan
sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've
seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist shop
to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition was unfair. He asked the
good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh Mac
Taggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be
back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot
most of the time, which produced an impressive
set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet,
he suffered from bad breath. This made him a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to friends, with the hope that at
least one of the puns would make them laugh. No
pun in ten did.
